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The reflection that started it: an admission of exhaustion

Written Friday, October 8, 2021:

I'm so tired. I know I have to sleep more. Juggling projects: Halloween stickers, Peachtober, Aniversario, Daily things farmacia. Little unscheduled time to relax. Frustrated, no annoyed that the posts are not getting as much engagement as they used to. Maybe because Peachtober is smaller community than Inktober. Should I put Inktober hashtag even though it's not from that prompt list? Nervous about clinic tomorrow. Impression on peers, professionalism, knowledge, social. Repasar vacunas -> No time. Have to sleep. Hopefully other people will tell me what to do. I do not feel like a leader. I make very little decisions. Mostly delegate. Not giving example by arriving late, not good timing on lunch, lazy at work, avoiding tasks. Complaining too much at work? Need perkier attitude or if I pretend I explode? Tired but I do enjoy painting. Unveiling the paint sometimes, like it's already there painted and I'm just cleaning the page so you can see it. Sometimes I feel clumsy like my brush doesn't do what I want it. But I do need better brushes. And I should pay more attention to technique. Sleep time.

This blog page was opened today with root on the feeling that I had to share my overwhelming-ness with the world. Why? I don't know. I had already shared this written page with my boyfriend who obviously assured me everything was going to be ok and offered to buy me better paint brushes. But the act of expression still felt incomplete somehow. I'm not a writer. This is just something that I had to write in that moment and that I now have the urge to share. Maybe no one else will read it ever and that would be ok.

The title says "started it" because as I sit here today I am hoping that there will be more thoughts to share in the future. This could be an emotional relieve blog or have posts related to art, which is probably the main reason why people would find this page. Right now all that there exist are possibilities.

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